we did it. we put maya down yesterday. it was terrible. they let us hold her while it happened, which is something i wish i'd had when they put lulu down. she was quiet. they gave her a shot, and she just went away. i knew when she was gone, i could see it on her face. she just wasn't there anymore. they let us sit in the room with her alone for as long as we needed. we got home, threw her bowls away, her bedding, i looked to make sure i got any toys of hers. and that was it. we are dogless. it feels so empty and lonely without some stinky furball to bark when the wind blows funny. i know she's not hurting anymore. i think she knew it was coming. i know she's playing with lulu now. i know she's happy. i know she's with us still, but it doesn't make it easier. i kept thinking, while looking at her laying on that table that she was gonna open her mouth and bark and it would be like it didn't happen. like she'd magically be alive again. just like with lulu, i kept thinking, "take it back take it back, give me back my baby dog" the vet was really nice, so that's good. i haven't cried much. i totally snotted while it happened, but i haven't really had much time to cry over it since it happened. i'll cry some here and there (especially when rehashing it like i'm doing now), but i have to be strong and happy around lola, i don't want her to see me upset, and i have to be strong for nick b/c he's taking it really hard. so instead i have a picture of my two furry girls at my desk and i look at them and smile, and tear up, and then take a deep breath and get back to work. i miss both my girls so much.