Sunday, September 12, 2010
yea, it's been a while...
it's been a while. i know it. oh well. started thinking about potty training lo. not sure where to begin, or if it's really the right time. we bought a potty. i guess we'll see. we're still super broke, nothing new there. work's had a regime change, but i think it's gonna work out ok. of course there's always an adjustment period, but i think it'll be good. lola's going back to linda's for daycare. it's good. she needs to be around other kids. nick's working his butt off. we're just doing our best. nothing else.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
The evolution of nicknames for Lo: the past 15 ½ months.
You’ve always been Lo, and that will always be true.
You began as Piglet b/c you made oinking noises while trying to find my breast.
Piglet turned into Piggles b/c you were a piglet that wiggled.
Piggles became Pants, no idea why.
Pants became LolaPants, PooPants, and somehow turned into Brains and BittyBrains.
Then we went back to Pants, and PooPants, which just became Poo b/c you have working bowels.
Poo became Fart, then back to Poo, then Booger b/c you had colds a lot.
Booger went back to Poo, then became Pootle (spelled with a T b/c it stands for fart and not the breed of dog).
Pootle became Doodle, and Doodle became Noodle.
At any point in time we may call you any of these names – but for one reason or another, all of these mean Lola.
And they all mean, I love you!
You began as Piglet b/c you made oinking noises while trying to find my breast.
Piglet turned into Piggles b/c you were a piglet that wiggled.
Piggles became Pants, no idea why.
Pants became LolaPants, PooPants, and somehow turned into Brains and BittyBrains.
Then we went back to Pants, and PooPants, which just became Poo b/c you have working bowels.
Poo became Fart, then back to Poo, then Booger b/c you had colds a lot.
Booger went back to Poo, then became Pootle (spelled with a T b/c it stands for fart and not the breed of dog).
Pootle became Doodle, and Doodle became Noodle.
At any point in time we may call you any of these names – but for one reason or another, all of these mean Lola.
And they all mean, I love you!
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Nothing too exciting.
Lo spent her first night away from home on the 25th of June. It didn’t feel right. She stayed at moms’, so I know she was perfectly safe and fine, and Nick and I slept very well – but we missed her terribly and couldn’t wait to go get her the next morning.
So this past weekend – we dropped her off at moms’ for another night away from home, LOL.
It was just something Nick and I needed. Alone time. Grown up time. Not worrying about the baby waking up if we step too loudly or the dogs bark b/c the wind blows time.
So I think we’re going to maybe start doing that once a month. Do a date night and let her stay at moms’. Our wedding anniversary is on a Friday this year, so she’ll definitely stay with mom then.
It’s starting to slow down at work. I’m still busy, don’t get me wrong, but the phone doesn’t seem to be ringing as much and things don’t seem to be so pressing. Still having inventory issues, but that’ll get worked out with our cycle count – which I hope and pray will happen soon b/c inventory is the bane of my existence.
Other than that, my life is pretty much laundry, dishes, diapers, etc.
Nothing too exciting.
So this past weekend – we dropped her off at moms’ for another night away from home, LOL.
It was just something Nick and I needed. Alone time. Grown up time. Not worrying about the baby waking up if we step too loudly or the dogs bark b/c the wind blows time.
So I think we’re going to maybe start doing that once a month. Do a date night and let her stay at moms’. Our wedding anniversary is on a Friday this year, so she’ll definitely stay with mom then.
It’s starting to slow down at work. I’m still busy, don’t get me wrong, but the phone doesn’t seem to be ringing as much and things don’t seem to be so pressing. Still having inventory issues, but that’ll get worked out with our cycle count – which I hope and pray will happen soon b/c inventory is the bane of my existence.
Other than that, my life is pretty much laundry, dishes, diapers, etc.
Nothing too exciting.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Why do people assume you're an asshole?
Why do some people just act like you're a shitty person sometimes? Ok, so since Nick and I have decided we're keeping the dogs and we're gonna do everything we can to get them healthy and happy, I've had to tell the people that offered to take Lulu that we don't need 'em to. I told 'em mom is gonna take them, just b/c I didn't want to say, "Oh everything is magically ok now, I'm a dumbass and I take it back that I want to put my dogs up for adoption!!" So anyways, one person sent me an email that said,
"My suggestion is to try your best to keep your dogs. No one wants older dogs. I have worked with rescue for 25 years and it is getting harder and harder even to place puppies and purebred dogs. The shelters and foster homes are full. If you take your dogs to a shelter they will be put to sleep. All your dogs ask of you is someone to love them. Maybe you will be able to get a job soon and things will look up. I know that your child must come first, but two dogs don't eat much. I have 7 and they eat much less than me. Please reconsider and keep your dogs. They love you unconditionally."
So, first off, she makes me feel real awesome by saying, "everything is full and shelters will kill your dogs." And then she goes on to say, "yea your kid is important, but dog food isn't expensive, so keep them b/c they love you."
NEVER did I say, "we can't buy dog food, we have to give the dogs away." I said that their medical expenses makes it difficult on us to feed the whole house. I just don't know why some people don't read the entire message before just thinking, "oh well you're a shit, let me remind you of what kind of a shit you are."
So I responded, nicely, with the bullshit about mom taking them, but also reiterating the reasoning behind our original serious consideration into letting someone else take them:
"Thank you. Luckily I won’t have to give them away anymore b/c my mother has offered to take them until we can get on our feet. The issue wasn’t just the food, it has been the fact that we can’t get their yearly shots (they’re 6 months overdue), their flea meds (they’ve been out for 8 months now), their heartworm meds (also out for 8 months), or their medication for their skin conditions (which they haven’t had in around 6 months). Their skin meds alone run about $100 a month and on unemployment that paired with everything else just wasn’t going to be feasible. Loving them is wonderful, but I felt like risking their health was cruel. But like I said, my mother has finally agreed to watch them until we get back on our feet, so we’re good. Thanks for caring and I appreciate the advice."
The part I said about "risking their health" being "cruel" is the honest to god truth! I can love them all effing day long - but if I can't afford to keep them healthy, then THAT makes me a shit - NOT trying to place them in a home that can afford to keep them healthy... AND please note that in that response I sent that I did not mention Maya's thyroid condition, for which she has to have $40 medication every month as well, NOR DID I MENTION the fact that she has to go to the vet every month for blood work until we get the thyroid medication dosage correct, and that means that on top of the $40 medication there's a $50 vet visit fee PLUS the $100 blood work fee EVERY MONTH until we get the dosage right, add THAT to the $100 a month for Maya AND Lulu's skin issues and that's pretty damn expensive - so NO, we were not jumping the gun in thinking seriously about putting them up for adoption.
But like I said, we're not going to do it. We just can't. We'll address Maya's thyroid as we can, she'll be fine, she'll just be fat until we can work it out. As for their skin, we'll take them to the vet one at a time as we get the money and we'll do what we can for their skin condition. We may skip their shots, since they're inside dogs, and just do flea and heartworm meds. We'll make due. But that email just rubbed me the wrong way.
"My suggestion is to try your best to keep your dogs. No one wants older dogs. I have worked with rescue for 25 years and it is getting harder and harder even to place puppies and purebred dogs. The shelters and foster homes are full. If you take your dogs to a shelter they will be put to sleep. All your dogs ask of you is someone to love them. Maybe you will be able to get a job soon and things will look up. I know that your child must come first, but two dogs don't eat much. I have 7 and they eat much less than me. Please reconsider and keep your dogs. They love you unconditionally."
So, first off, she makes me feel real awesome by saying, "everything is full and shelters will kill your dogs." And then she goes on to say, "yea your kid is important, but dog food isn't expensive, so keep them b/c they love you."
NEVER did I say, "we can't buy dog food, we have to give the dogs away." I said that their medical expenses makes it difficult on us to feed the whole house. I just don't know why some people don't read the entire message before just thinking, "oh well you're a shit, let me remind you of what kind of a shit you are."
So I responded, nicely, with the bullshit about mom taking them, but also reiterating the reasoning behind our original serious consideration into letting someone else take them:
"Thank you. Luckily I won’t have to give them away anymore b/c my mother has offered to take them until we can get on our feet. The issue wasn’t just the food, it has been the fact that we can’t get their yearly shots (they’re 6 months overdue), their flea meds (they’ve been out for 8 months now), their heartworm meds (also out for 8 months), or their medication for their skin conditions (which they haven’t had in around 6 months). Their skin meds alone run about $100 a month and on unemployment that paired with everything else just wasn’t going to be feasible. Loving them is wonderful, but I felt like risking their health was cruel. But like I said, my mother has finally agreed to watch them until we get back on our feet, so we’re good. Thanks for caring and I appreciate the advice."
The part I said about "risking their health" being "cruel" is the honest to god truth! I can love them all effing day long - but if I can't afford to keep them healthy, then THAT makes me a shit - NOT trying to place them in a home that can afford to keep them healthy... AND please note that in that response I sent that I did not mention Maya's thyroid condition, for which she has to have $40 medication every month as well, NOR DID I MENTION the fact that she has to go to the vet every month for blood work until we get the thyroid medication dosage correct, and that means that on top of the $40 medication there's a $50 vet visit fee PLUS the $100 blood work fee EVERY MONTH until we get the dosage right, add THAT to the $100 a month for Maya AND Lulu's skin issues and that's pretty damn expensive - so NO, we were not jumping the gun in thinking seriously about putting them up for adoption.
But like I said, we're not going to do it. We just can't. We'll address Maya's thyroid as we can, she'll be fine, she'll just be fat until we can work it out. As for their skin, we'll take them to the vet one at a time as we get the money and we'll do what we can for their skin condition. We may skip their shots, since they're inside dogs, and just do flea and heartworm meds. We'll make due. But that email just rubbed me the wrong way.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
thinking it thru...
Nick and I are trying to find a home for Lulu and Maya... so we thought.
I sent out feeler messages to some pet rescues and the SPCA 2 days ago, and someone already says they’ll take Lulu. I wasn’t expecting that. Honestly, I thought that I’d send the message and that no one would ever even respond. I can’t imagine actually not having either of them. I want to fight and make it so we can keep them. I want to take every penny we get and put it towards them.
They need medicine. They need flea stuff and heartworm stuff and their yearly shots. They need to be groomed.
They’re old, we’ve had them forever. It’s fine to rationalize about how it’d be best to get rid of them, to let someone else keep them happy for their last years… but then you think “NO! I SHOULD MAKE THEM HAPPY!!”
Why can’t I do it? Money? Can we work something out? I don’t know. I can’t say yes. I can’t let someone take Lulu this weekend. It’s so fast. I know it’s stupid, but I really didn’t think anyone would offer to help – and besides, I knew that if someone DID offer, that it’d be for Lulu and not Maya. No one ever wants to help out a big dog :(. I can’t see myself without her. Without either of them. It’s very depressing. They’re my dogs.
We have to come up with a way to keep them. We just do. We’re taking them to the groomers on Saturday. Week after next, we’ll take Lulu to the vet and hopefully she’ll just need some meds and that’s it. I think 2 weeks after that we can take Maya. Then maybe a couple weeks later we can get their shots.
I really don’t know. I know the logical thing to do is let someone take them, but that’s not what my heart or even my head says to do. Everything says keep them and make it work.
Ok that’s what we’ll do.
They may stink, but Nick can bathe them every other day. We’ll budget to get them groomed once a month if need be. I just really don’t want to lose them. I love them.
I sent out feeler messages to some pet rescues and the SPCA 2 days ago, and someone already says they’ll take Lulu. I wasn’t expecting that. Honestly, I thought that I’d send the message and that no one would ever even respond. I can’t imagine actually not having either of them. I want to fight and make it so we can keep them. I want to take every penny we get and put it towards them.
They need medicine. They need flea stuff and heartworm stuff and their yearly shots. They need to be groomed.
They’re old, we’ve had them forever. It’s fine to rationalize about how it’d be best to get rid of them, to let someone else keep them happy for their last years… but then you think “NO! I SHOULD MAKE THEM HAPPY!!”
Why can’t I do it? Money? Can we work something out? I don’t know. I can’t say yes. I can’t let someone take Lulu this weekend. It’s so fast. I know it’s stupid, but I really didn’t think anyone would offer to help – and besides, I knew that if someone DID offer, that it’d be for Lulu and not Maya. No one ever wants to help out a big dog :(. I can’t see myself without her. Without either of them. It’s very depressing. They’re my dogs.
We have to come up with a way to keep them. We just do. We’re taking them to the groomers on Saturday. Week after next, we’ll take Lulu to the vet and hopefully she’ll just need some meds and that’s it. I think 2 weeks after that we can take Maya. Then maybe a couple weeks later we can get their shots.
I really don’t know. I know the logical thing to do is let someone take them, but that’s not what my heart or even my head says to do. Everything says keep them and make it work.
Ok that’s what we’ll do.
They may stink, but Nick can bathe them every other day. We’ll budget to get them groomed once a month if need be. I just really don’t want to lose them. I love them.
Friday, June 11, 2010
tired... tired... tired...
it's been so busy at work that i can barely think straight. things seem to be going well, but it's definitely crazy right now.
i've been really moody lately. i think i'm really tired and it's messing with me.
lulu's got some big huge knot on her back and she's whining alot. i feel so bad for her. i think (hope) that next friday we can afford to take her to the vet. the only problem with that is if we have to buy medication that we have to get on a monthly basis, we may not be able to afford it. so we'll see. not to be all doom and gloom or anything.
took lo to the doctor for her 15 month check up, she's fine. has a virus AGAIN. doc said if we could take her out of daycare for a couple months to let her "dry out" that it would be good for her, but he knows not everyone can do that and it's ok if we can't/don't - but mom wanted to watch her, so mom's watching her at her house now. has been for about a week. i know lo misses the kids from linda's, but she's having so much fun with mom too and mom just loves it so much. it gives her something to get up for in the morning and that's cool. it's a bit more of a drive, but not enough to be bad or anything.
i'm hating my body... again... that's nothing new. it comes and goes. normally it's at the back of my head, but for no reason whatsoever i'm really sad and depressed today and hate my body and wish i weren't so effing fat - but it's my fault. i bitch and moan, but i'm the only one that can do anything about it, i know it, and yet i still reach for the effing twinkies. oh well, whatever.
lola's wonderful. she'll call me "ma" every once in a while and on occasion "mama" but she calls nick "dada" and mom "nana" and alan "gpaw". why is it that the one person that wants to hear it most gets to hear it last? sucks.
well. s'all i know. i might work a bit tomorrow - we're moving product from one warehouse to the other, and we have to keep the inventory in check. i freaking HATE that i think about this sh*t when i'm not at work. i HATE it. rawr.
i've been really moody lately. i think i'm really tired and it's messing with me.
lulu's got some big huge knot on her back and she's whining alot. i feel so bad for her. i think (hope) that next friday we can afford to take her to the vet. the only problem with that is if we have to buy medication that we have to get on a monthly basis, we may not be able to afford it. so we'll see. not to be all doom and gloom or anything.
took lo to the doctor for her 15 month check up, she's fine. has a virus AGAIN. doc said if we could take her out of daycare for a couple months to let her "dry out" that it would be good for her, but he knows not everyone can do that and it's ok if we can't/don't - but mom wanted to watch her, so mom's watching her at her house now. has been for about a week. i know lo misses the kids from linda's, but she's having so much fun with mom too and mom just loves it so much. it gives her something to get up for in the morning and that's cool. it's a bit more of a drive, but not enough to be bad or anything.
i'm hating my body... again... that's nothing new. it comes and goes. normally it's at the back of my head, but for no reason whatsoever i'm really sad and depressed today and hate my body and wish i weren't so effing fat - but it's my fault. i bitch and moan, but i'm the only one that can do anything about it, i know it, and yet i still reach for the effing twinkies. oh well, whatever.
lola's wonderful. she'll call me "ma" every once in a while and on occasion "mama" but she calls nick "dada" and mom "nana" and alan "gpaw". why is it that the one person that wants to hear it most gets to hear it last? sucks.
well. s'all i know. i might work a bit tomorrow - we're moving product from one warehouse to the other, and we have to keep the inventory in check. i freaking HATE that i think about this sh*t when i'm not at work. i HATE it. rawr.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
wow.
wow. what a couple weeks/days/etc.
so the work transition is totally under way. going well, there's some confusion going on, but given time and some clarification, it should be ok. i like my new cube, so that's cool. it's cute.
lola's got ANOTHER cold. she was well for maybe 3 or 4 days.
i'm STILL sick, same shit from before. it faded and came back the past couple days.
nick's getting sick, damnit.
my car is messed up again. the 4th and final ignition coil died today. so we have to borrow mom's car AGAIN until we can get mine fixed, which should, hopefully, only be a couple days. we'll deal with the catalytic converter later.
the dogs have fleas. we've done everything we can think of. it's terrible, we feel terrible for them. we're getting it under control, but it's still shitty.
maya's hips are hurting her. i can tell she's in pain. i feel bad for her.
we keep forgetting to get our old hard drive to liz and chris to see if he can retrieve anything - just so scatterbrained with all that's going on. it'll be ok though.
baby's waking up. all for now i guess.
so the work transition is totally under way. going well, there's some confusion going on, but given time and some clarification, it should be ok. i like my new cube, so that's cool. it's cute.
lola's got ANOTHER cold. she was well for maybe 3 or 4 days.
i'm STILL sick, same shit from before. it faded and came back the past couple days.
nick's getting sick, damnit.
my car is messed up again. the 4th and final ignition coil died today. so we have to borrow mom's car AGAIN until we can get mine fixed, which should, hopefully, only be a couple days. we'll deal with the catalytic converter later.
the dogs have fleas. we've done everything we can think of. it's terrible, we feel terrible for them. we're getting it under control, but it's still shitty.
maya's hips are hurting her. i can tell she's in pain. i feel bad for her.
we keep forgetting to get our old hard drive to liz and chris to see if he can retrieve anything - just so scatterbrained with all that's going on. it'll be ok though.
baby's waking up. all for now i guess.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
busy bee
I’ve been so busy lately. We bought another company at work, and we’re working on the acquisition and there’s so many issues that have to be dealt with and so many issues that are coming up. Right now we’re working out of their building and ours. Eventually (I think next week) the office workers will start coming over here, which’ll make things easier, but their warehouse will remain open and active for a while b/c we have to transfer their stock to our location and start re-routing the PO deliveries to our location too. It’s such a mess. I know it’ll get worked out and all that, but in the interim it’s a mess.
I’m not sure what they’re going to do with me up here. I’ve been doing Purchasing, placing orders, expediting reports and stuff as well as inventory control, shipping & receiving – but now we’re getting more buyers and from what the “higher ups” have sent out, they (the new buyers) will be doing all the Purchasing – but my question is where does that leave me? I don’t want to be the Milton of the office – the one that has to do all the shit work that no one wants to do. When I was hired, it was to be Bobby’s assistant, and that’s kind of taken a back seat the past few years b/c we’ve needed help in other departments b/c we’ve been short staffed – I’m praying that I’ll be put back in that original assistant position. That’s what I want. I don’t want to be the bitch of the office. I don’t think Bobby’ll let that happen. I don’t think Chris will do that to me. I hope, at least.
Nick and I want to move. We want to move to Marion to be closer to my mom. It’s not super far away so we could still get to work and see friends and family, but it’s a nicer area with less crime and better schools. I don’t know how we’ll do this, but we’re gonna save and see. Then mom could keep Lo, which would be super awesome as well. It’d be about as far away as if we lived in Collierville or something like that. With our credit though, I don’t know if we’ll be able to. We’ll see I guess.
I’m not sure what they’re going to do with me up here. I’ve been doing Purchasing, placing orders, expediting reports and stuff as well as inventory control, shipping & receiving – but now we’re getting more buyers and from what the “higher ups” have sent out, they (the new buyers) will be doing all the Purchasing – but my question is where does that leave me? I don’t want to be the Milton of the office – the one that has to do all the shit work that no one wants to do. When I was hired, it was to be Bobby’s assistant, and that’s kind of taken a back seat the past few years b/c we’ve needed help in other departments b/c we’ve been short staffed – I’m praying that I’ll be put back in that original assistant position. That’s what I want. I don’t want to be the bitch of the office. I don’t think Bobby’ll let that happen. I don’t think Chris will do that to me. I hope, at least.
Nick and I want to move. We want to move to Marion to be closer to my mom. It’s not super far away so we could still get to work and see friends and family, but it’s a nicer area with less crime and better schools. I don’t know how we’ll do this, but we’re gonna save and see. Then mom could keep Lo, which would be super awesome as well. It’d be about as far away as if we lived in Collierville or something like that. With our credit though, I don’t know if we’ll be able to. We’ll see I guess.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
dog rants and worries
I think Lulu and Maya are getting really old.
I know they aren’t adjusting well to Lola. Lulu tries her best to stay away from her, Maya loves her but doesn’t understand that she is much bigger than Lo. To help give them and us time to relax, we put them outside daily for about 30 minutes to an hour each time (sometimes 2 or 3 times a day, most days just once a day). They’re dogs, dogs should be fine outside for 10 minutes. Dogs should be fine outside for an hour.
Lulu and Maya are NOT fine outside for any longer than a couple minutes.
Maya freaks at the idea of setting foot in the grass and instead shits and pisses on the carport and then sits on the steps, pressing her body into the back door because she’s TERRIFIED of everything.
Lulu isn’t scared of grass, but after she’s done her business she sits on the steps and “asses” until she hurts herself. What is “assing” you ask? “Assing” is when Lulu sits down, puts her butt up against something, and then slightly jumps, (while barking) resulting in her butt rubbing up and down against whatever she’s sitting near. Normally she asses people – lately she’s begun assing the stairs outside – but she doesn’t just do it to scratch her butt, she does it until she’s pulled out fur and rubbed her skin raw and made it bleed – and then she keeps on. For every minute she’s outside, after she’s shit/pissed/eaten Maya’s poop/whatever, she’s assing – and she’s hurting herself.
But we need them to be outside sometimes! THEY’RE DOGS! They bark at the wind, they bark at passing cars, they bark at nothing – Lola needs naps that aren’t interrupted by barking and we need peace and quiet. They BOTH have some weird skin disorder (the vet thought it was nuts that 2 dogs of different breeds would have the same thing in the same house, but they do) that causes them to STINK, so we need them to go outside to try and keep our house from smelling like a stinky dog. Maya’s got some additional skin disorder and thyroid condition that’s causing her to lose her hair in patches and the furballs on the floor are horrible and gross and I just can’t clean fast enough. Lola needs playtime without them in the way (it’s not like we have a big house). Maya gets under foot CONSTANTLY (you can literally walk toward her and she will not move so you end up pushing her out of the way with your legs. It’s like she no longer understands that you can’t walk thru her big ass). So it’s either block them off in the kitchen or put them outside. Blocking them off in the kitchen all the time seems cruel, so we try and give them free time by putting them outside.
But with the way they act it’s like we can’t put them outside. IT’S OUTSIDE! It’s not the end of the world! Why is Maya scared of outside? Why does Lulu ass until she hurts herself? They’re old, but not THAT old! Lulu’s 8 ½ (9 in December) and Maya’s 7 – so they shouldn’t be senile just yet.
I really think it has to do with Lola. Really. I hate that, but they aren’t the same dogs now. I can’t fix that. Lola’s more important than they are and that’s the truth – but how can I keep them happy? I mean it seems to me that they’re miserable.
Is Lulu so starved for attention that she’d hurt herself? Is that why she’s doing that?
Is Maya so starved for attention that she feels the need to bark all the time b/c bad attention is better than no attention?
Is that what this is?
If so, I can’t help them. We love them, we give them attention, we feed them, but they’re dogs. Lola gets the attention, she will always win. Always.
So then the question becomes, how do we fix this? Should I try to find adoptive homes for them? Who wants to adopt a big, old, skittish mutt with a skin disorder and a thyroid disfunction? Who wants to adopt an old shih tzu with a skin disorder? Should I just not worry about it? Just let them do whatever they’re doing and put wound cream on Lulu’s butt when she hurts herself and give them the love and attention we can? And what if they feel that love and attention isn’t sufficient? They’ve had 6 and 7 years of nothing but love and attention directed at them – now that Lola’s here, she’s getting it all. Lulu I KNOW is jealous – Maya I think is jealous a bit, but not too bad b/c she likes Lola.
I just kinda don’t know what to do. I’m lost on it. Hell man, as terrible as this sounds, part of me has even wondered if we should just put them both down. I mean, if they’re so unhappy, and they have their medical issues, why not? I won’t, but it’s crossed my mind as one of those “should I” questions.
UGH!!!!
Lulu:
Maya:
I know they aren’t adjusting well to Lola. Lulu tries her best to stay away from her, Maya loves her but doesn’t understand that she is much bigger than Lo. To help give them and us time to relax, we put them outside daily for about 30 minutes to an hour each time (sometimes 2 or 3 times a day, most days just once a day). They’re dogs, dogs should be fine outside for 10 minutes. Dogs should be fine outside for an hour.
Lulu and Maya are NOT fine outside for any longer than a couple minutes.
Maya freaks at the idea of setting foot in the grass and instead shits and pisses on the carport and then sits on the steps, pressing her body into the back door because she’s TERRIFIED of everything.
Lulu isn’t scared of grass, but after she’s done her business she sits on the steps and “asses” until she hurts herself. What is “assing” you ask? “Assing” is when Lulu sits down, puts her butt up against something, and then slightly jumps, (while barking) resulting in her butt rubbing up and down against whatever she’s sitting near. Normally she asses people – lately she’s begun assing the stairs outside – but she doesn’t just do it to scratch her butt, she does it until she’s pulled out fur and rubbed her skin raw and made it bleed – and then she keeps on. For every minute she’s outside, after she’s shit/pissed/eaten Maya’s poop/whatever, she’s assing – and she’s hurting herself.
But we need them to be outside sometimes! THEY’RE DOGS! They bark at the wind, they bark at passing cars, they bark at nothing – Lola needs naps that aren’t interrupted by barking and we need peace and quiet. They BOTH have some weird skin disorder (the vet thought it was nuts that 2 dogs of different breeds would have the same thing in the same house, but they do) that causes them to STINK, so we need them to go outside to try and keep our house from smelling like a stinky dog. Maya’s got some additional skin disorder and thyroid condition that’s causing her to lose her hair in patches and the furballs on the floor are horrible and gross and I just can’t clean fast enough. Lola needs playtime without them in the way (it’s not like we have a big house). Maya gets under foot CONSTANTLY (you can literally walk toward her and she will not move so you end up pushing her out of the way with your legs. It’s like she no longer understands that you can’t walk thru her big ass). So it’s either block them off in the kitchen or put them outside. Blocking them off in the kitchen all the time seems cruel, so we try and give them free time by putting them outside.
But with the way they act it’s like we can’t put them outside. IT’S OUTSIDE! It’s not the end of the world! Why is Maya scared of outside? Why does Lulu ass until she hurts herself? They’re old, but not THAT old! Lulu’s 8 ½ (9 in December) and Maya’s 7 – so they shouldn’t be senile just yet.
I really think it has to do with Lola. Really. I hate that, but they aren’t the same dogs now. I can’t fix that. Lola’s more important than they are and that’s the truth – but how can I keep them happy? I mean it seems to me that they’re miserable.
Is Lulu so starved for attention that she’d hurt herself? Is that why she’s doing that?
Is Maya so starved for attention that she feels the need to bark all the time b/c bad attention is better than no attention?
Is that what this is?
If so, I can’t help them. We love them, we give them attention, we feed them, but they’re dogs. Lola gets the attention, she will always win. Always.
So then the question becomes, how do we fix this? Should I try to find adoptive homes for them? Who wants to adopt a big, old, skittish mutt with a skin disorder and a thyroid disfunction? Who wants to adopt an old shih tzu with a skin disorder? Should I just not worry about it? Just let them do whatever they’re doing and put wound cream on Lulu’s butt when she hurts herself and give them the love and attention we can? And what if they feel that love and attention isn’t sufficient? They’ve had 6 and 7 years of nothing but love and attention directed at them – now that Lola’s here, she’s getting it all. Lulu I KNOW is jealous – Maya I think is jealous a bit, but not too bad b/c she likes Lola.
I just kinda don’t know what to do. I’m lost on it. Hell man, as terrible as this sounds, part of me has even wondered if we should just put them both down. I mean, if they’re so unhappy, and they have their medical issues, why not? I won’t, but it’s crossed my mind as one of those “should I” questions.
UGH!!!!
Lulu:
Maya:
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
well sweet ass sweet and be careful what you ask for
today is a great day. i'm not allowed to say why, but i love my husband and he's great and i'm proud of his awesomeness. thank you god. that is all.
on to the being careful bit... last night i was holding lo, trying to get her to sleep and she had finally passed out, been asleep for about 20 minutes so i decided to get up and put her in her bed so i could have some free time to fart around on the computer - i get up and walk towards the hall and the wind blows and MAYA STARTS BARKING like a freaking retard!!! of course that wakes up lo - so i sit back down on the couch, continuing the awesomeness that is the last season of lost - and since nick was out back, i called him and told him to, "let the dogs out and let them just run away b/c i'm sick of them barking and waking up the baby!!!" so he let 'em out and went about his business farting around in his garage.
fast forward about an hour. lo finally passed out and i got her down in her bed. i had just finished up watching a sad, sad episode of lost (jin and sun will be missed, and damnit if sayid didn't come back to being awesome before his untimely end). nick finishes up outside and comes inside, letting in maya - then asks me if lulu was in the house. i said, "no" and that's when he realized that lulu must've gotten out while he had the gate open b/c he didn't know she was outside. so nick got to drive around the neighborhood looking for lulu the retard. luckily when she does get out, she never goes far, so we found her on the other side of the house next to us so it's cool - but still, it's one of those "be careful what you ask for" things.
on to the being careful bit... last night i was holding lo, trying to get her to sleep and she had finally passed out, been asleep for about 20 minutes so i decided to get up and put her in her bed so i could have some free time to fart around on the computer - i get up and walk towards the hall and the wind blows and MAYA STARTS BARKING like a freaking retard!!! of course that wakes up lo - so i sit back down on the couch, continuing the awesomeness that is the last season of lost - and since nick was out back, i called him and told him to, "let the dogs out and let them just run away b/c i'm sick of them barking and waking up the baby!!!" so he let 'em out and went about his business farting around in his garage.
fast forward about an hour. lo finally passed out and i got her down in her bed. i had just finished up watching a sad, sad episode of lost (jin and sun will be missed, and damnit if sayid didn't come back to being awesome before his untimely end). nick finishes up outside and comes inside, letting in maya - then asks me if lulu was in the house. i said, "no" and that's when he realized that lulu must've gotten out while he had the gate open b/c he didn't know she was outside. so nick got to drive around the neighborhood looking for lulu the retard. luckily when she does get out, she never goes far, so we found her on the other side of the house next to us so it's cool - but still, it's one of those "be careful what you ask for" things.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
horrible horrible news...
Nine Inch Nails is officially dead.
It’s over.
For real.
Trent’s still making music and I’ll love it, but it’s no longer NIN.
I’m actually teary eyed.
The new music is his wife singing.
Yoko.
Not Trent.
Not right.
Not how it should be.
She can join in, but HE'S the one that should be singing.
It's him that makes the magic.
It’s over.
For real.
Trent’s still making music and I’ll love it, but it’s no longer NIN.
I’m actually teary eyed.
The new music is his wife singing.
Yoko.
Not Trent.
Not right.
Not how it should be.
She can join in, but HE'S the one that should be singing.
It's him that makes the magic.
holy crap i think i fixed it!!!
i think i fixed the comment problem, by making it show up in a pop up window.
leave me a comment, let's test it out :)
leave me a comment, let's test it out :)
this morning she cried... :(
I said once before that while I was kinda sad that Lo cried when I dropped her off at daycare, that deep down it made me feel good b/c it meant she loves me. Well, she wasn’t really crying, she was kinda crying – you know, the “I’m thinking about crying so I’m gonna start making the noise now in the hopes you’ll pick me back up” cry. That cry was ok. That cry made me secretly feel good b/c of the baby love directed my way.
This morning she full on cried. She kicked the instant Linda came near her (normally she leans forward and kisses and hugs her and wants her to hold her), and she was full on snotting and crying and reaching for me when I left. That did NOT make me feel good at all. That made me want to go back inside, get her, and just bring her precious little butt to work with me. That was terrible. That was NOT OK. I hate that cry.
I pray that one day I can quit work and stay home with her. I don’t have to win the lottery or anything like that, I just hope and pray that one day Nick will make enough money that we could survive on just his paycheck (b/c he wants me to be a stay at home mom too). And he doesn’t have to make millions either, just enough to pay our bills and stuff. Unfortunately, we have to have both paychecks to live as broke as we live right now – so me not working won’t happen anytime soon (if ever). It’s sad.
I hope that tomorrow she doesn’t cry like that again. I miss my baby.
This morning she full on cried. She kicked the instant Linda came near her (normally she leans forward and kisses and hugs her and wants her to hold her), and she was full on snotting and crying and reaching for me when I left. That did NOT make me feel good at all. That made me want to go back inside, get her, and just bring her precious little butt to work with me. That was terrible. That was NOT OK. I hate that cry.
I pray that one day I can quit work and stay home with her. I don’t have to win the lottery or anything like that, I just hope and pray that one day Nick will make enough money that we could survive on just his paycheck (b/c he wants me to be a stay at home mom too). And he doesn’t have to make millions either, just enough to pay our bills and stuff. Unfortunately, we have to have both paychecks to live as broke as we live right now – so me not working won’t happen anytime soon (if ever). It’s sad.
I hope that tomorrow she doesn’t cry like that again. I miss my baby.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Abercrombie and Fitch is the place for rock...
Man I hate being sick! What I hate even more is when I get Lola sick. I was SO sick Friday night, and my throat was hurting so baaaad – and then Saturday Lola started to show symptoms. Poor baby. For about 3 or 4 months there she didn’t have any colds and it was GRAND, but then she got that enterovirus and now she’s got a stupid cold! All green and snotty and coughing all over the place. I mean, she’s better today than she was yesterday – and she slept better last night than the night before, so there’s progress towards feeling good, but I hate that she has to feel bad at all.
Poor Nick had a pretty lame birthday. We were broke, so he played Metal Gear Solid and I went to bed at 8:00 with the baby. So he just stayed up playing his game. Sucks. I wish we had been able to do something else. He deserves much more than that. If I had a random large dollar amount, I’d take him out to dinner some place nice, I’d buy him a new game or two for the PS3, I’d get him an awesome cake – I’d make him feel as special as I could, ya know what I mean?
The power went out with the storm this weekend, so Saturday we had to find something to do until it came back on – so we went to the mall. Lo used her backpack baby leash so she could walk around. We walked past Abercrombie and Fitch and Lola decided it was a dance club and would walk in there and start her little bouncy bopping dance she does. It was the most precious thing in the world. She can do the smallest thing and if she does it, that makes it awesome. Still thinking of maybe one day having another kid, but I’m scared we won’t give it the attention it needs or that we’d deprive Lo of attention, or show favoritism or something like that. I’m sure all parents of 2+ kids thought that with each additional pregnancy and each time they realized those fears were unfounded – but it’s still one of the fears I’ve got. We’ll see I guess.
Have to save up the money to fix my car. Nick’s like 99.9999% sure he knows what’s wrong, we just have to be able to afford to fix it. So luckily mom is OK with me borrowing her car until we get it fixed – which will hopefully be done in a couple weeks. Nick needs shims for his motorcycle too, so those are in the budget too. I’m just praying for good fortune to smile on us b/c we need it.
Poor Nick had a pretty lame birthday. We were broke, so he played Metal Gear Solid and I went to bed at 8:00 with the baby. So he just stayed up playing his game. Sucks. I wish we had been able to do something else. He deserves much more than that. If I had a random large dollar amount, I’d take him out to dinner some place nice, I’d buy him a new game or two for the PS3, I’d get him an awesome cake – I’d make him feel as special as I could, ya know what I mean?
The power went out with the storm this weekend, so Saturday we had to find something to do until it came back on – so we went to the mall. Lo used her backpack baby leash so she could walk around. We walked past Abercrombie and Fitch and Lola decided it was a dance club and would walk in there and start her little bouncy bopping dance she does. It was the most precious thing in the world. She can do the smallest thing and if she does it, that makes it awesome. Still thinking of maybe one day having another kid, but I’m scared we won’t give it the attention it needs or that we’d deprive Lo of attention, or show favoritism or something like that. I’m sure all parents of 2+ kids thought that with each additional pregnancy and each time they realized those fears were unfounded – but it’s still one of the fears I’ve got. We’ll see I guess.
Have to save up the money to fix my car. Nick’s like 99.9999% sure he knows what’s wrong, we just have to be able to afford to fix it. So luckily mom is OK with me borrowing her car until we get it fixed – which will hopefully be done in a couple weeks. Nick needs shims for his motorcycle too, so those are in the budget too. I’m just praying for good fortune to smile on us b/c we need it.
Friday, April 30, 2010
not interesting
well, it's yet another not interesting day in my life. the car's messed up. if we had more money, nick could probably fix it, but as it stands, we're broke and have to wait a couple weeks just to save up $50 - and hopefully that $50 will fix it - and if not, then save $100, and hopefully that $100 will fix it. i know he can fix it, we just have to afford it. gonna go to mom's sunday to borrow her car - thank goodness for that. i'll just have to get used to a bigger car b/c she's got a land yacht.
today is nick's birthday - thank you lord for my honey poo. i love him so much!
there's buzz around the office of possible changes to come. i'm not gonna say what just yet - but i'm hoping for positive changes that maybe will point me in the direction of a promotion at some point in the near future.
i'm sick. it sucks. lola's still sick too. not with the virus she had, but a cold that's keeping her up at night and making her cough - and that's the happy ick that i've got now. it hurts SO bad to swallow and i feel SUPER bad. sucks.
oh well
today is nick's birthday - thank you lord for my honey poo. i love him so much!
there's buzz around the office of possible changes to come. i'm not gonna say what just yet - but i'm hoping for positive changes that maybe will point me in the direction of a promotion at some point in the near future.
i'm sick. it sucks. lola's still sick too. not with the virus she had, but a cold that's keeping her up at night and making her cough - and that's the happy ick that i've got now. it hurts SO bad to swallow and i feel SUPER bad. sucks.
oh well
Monday, April 26, 2010
it'll get better...
i know that the new way we're doing bills and money is a better way. it keeps us from being overdrawn - but it's hard to adjust to. it used to be that if we needed something, we'd just go get it, while "borrowing" from another bill that i was holding the money for - but now, i move the money out of our main account, so while i may still be "holding" money for a certain bill, it's not in the bank account we use - it's not so easy to get to. and since we pull out the cash for anything we need that isn't a bill - we only have XX dollars left each week for gas, groceries, etc. it's going to get better - but right now it really sucks. we have $20 for gas for me (nick already has gas) and groceries until friday.
now, don't get me wrong, we have food - but we need more milk, we need more butter, i scrounged up some loose change and got a loaf of bread at lunch, and we're running low on dog food. so it'll be better next week, and the week after, and i will, hopefully, not have that sickness in the pit of my stomach feeling anymore everytime i look at the bank account - but adjusting sucks.
keeping my fingers crossed that this works and that it does get better.
now if only nick and i could get raises.
btw - working for a company that doesn't give raises every year is really shitty. i just wanted to say that.
now, don't get me wrong, we have food - but we need more milk, we need more butter, i scrounged up some loose change and got a loaf of bread at lunch, and we're running low on dog food. so it'll be better next week, and the week after, and i will, hopefully, not have that sickness in the pit of my stomach feeling anymore everytime i look at the bank account - but adjusting sucks.
keeping my fingers crossed that this works and that it does get better.
now if only nick and i could get raises.
btw - working for a company that doesn't give raises every year is really shitty. i just wanted to say that.
Friday, April 23, 2010
how i met my husband
i wanna play too!!
saw this on my buddy liz's blog, thought i'd play "single white female" and copy her :)
how i met my husband.
i met him twice.
when i first met nick, i was 20. it was 1998. i was dating a guy named david. david, his roommates, our buddies evan and robin, and i decided to go down to graceland too (yes, that's the correct spelling). evan and robin also invited their friends nick and laura. they were a couple. nick looked like he hated me and everyone around him. angry young man. we went to graceland too, never spoke, barely looked at each other. that was it.
fast forward to 2002. i had just gotten out of a long relationship, and was sad and stuff. i mostly sat at home and moped. after a couple months of being depressed and pathetic, my buddies evan and robin invited me over to evan's sister's house to watch the mike tyson/lennox lewis boxing match on ppv and get out of the house. i was hanging out in the back room smoking a cigarette (b/c i smoked then) when this hot guy with long dark brown hair walked in.
i thought he was super hot and wanted to touch his hiney - but i didn't know him. he sat down next to me to "hang out" and i decided that i had to flirt as hard as i could. so i rested my leg on his for no reason at all (MAN i had balls) and HE LET ME.
after the fight he brought out his cd collection and played some music, which i thought rocked, so we talked about it and he just got hotter and hotter by the second (he later told me, he brought out the music b/c he wanted to impress me - he did). we exchanged yahoo screen names and started chatting that night. a couple days later we went on our first date - to graceland too (HA!!!) - and we were both too nervous to kiss so instead of kissing at the end of the date, we shook hands. and i cursed myself all the way home b/c i just KNEW i'd blown it. apparently i hadn't b/c we went out again the next night and we did kiss that time - and about 2 weeks later we moved in together.
it's been almost 8 years.
i love him with all my heart.
he's the smartest person i know.
he knows how to make me laugh. he knows how to make me feel better if i'm sad.
i look forward to growing old with him.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
3...2...1... CRASHED!
i should have listened to nick. well, it's not that i didn't listen to him, i just didn't prioritize his request as i should have. he kept telling me, "we need to get another hard drive. we need an external hard drive. we need another hard drive." and i kept saying we'd get one, b/c i knew he was right, and then i'd let things like bills and groceries, and dinner and movies, get in the way - and now, our hard drive has crashed and all the videos of lola during her first year are gone.
drew came up with the idea of freezing the drive to see if we could get a few minutes worth of it working to get data off it. so we'll probably try that. if that doesn't work, then maybe next year at tax time we'll send it off to one of those data recovery services so they can recover it - but that's like $300 - and with a baby, you have better things to spend $300 on than data recovery on a friggin' hard drive. i keep telling myself that our parents didn't have video of us at that age - and that helps some, but doesn't make it better.
i want to be a stay at home mom. i want to walk out of here and never look back and stay home with my poo girl (she's better btw. still runny poo, but NO fever at all, and playing and eating, so she's cool). i daydream about getting fired so i can draw unemployment and stay home with lola. that wouldn't work tho b/c we couldn't pay bills if i only brought home unemployment (b/c that's NOTHING).
speaking of work. back at it.
drew came up with the idea of freezing the drive to see if we could get a few minutes worth of it working to get data off it. so we'll probably try that. if that doesn't work, then maybe next year at tax time we'll send it off to one of those data recovery services so they can recover it - but that's like $300 - and with a baby, you have better things to spend $300 on than data recovery on a friggin' hard drive. i keep telling myself that our parents didn't have video of us at that age - and that helps some, but doesn't make it better.
i want to be a stay at home mom. i want to walk out of here and never look back and stay home with my poo girl (she's better btw. still runny poo, but NO fever at all, and playing and eating, so she's cool). i daydream about getting fired so i can draw unemployment and stay home with lola. that wouldn't work tho b/c we couldn't pay bills if i only brought home unemployment (b/c that's NOTHING).
speaking of work. back at it.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
i'm ready eady eady eady i'm ready!
i'm ready for lola to not be sick. i know it's only been a couple days, but it can stop ANYtime now. i'm thankful that when she does get sick, it's nothing severe b/c i think i'd lose it. heck, when her fever hit 104 today, i freaked. when it went back down to 99, i cried with relief. i feel completely inept since i can't just hug her and make it better. i just want to be a good mom and keep her safe, but you can't protect against viruses unless you put 'em in a bubble - and that's not good parenting.
i have a terrible headache and i'm just attributing it to sinuses and allergies. the last thing i want is to get sick too. i have no pto, so every day i missed would be less money in our bank and that's something we cannot afford. heck, yesterday with lo was unpaid. i have like 2 hours, but i don't know if i'll be able to use it, we'll see on monday.
mom's gonna come watch lo on monday. she should be fine by then, but mom'll be here just to make sure she gets all the rest and love she needs since i know linda has her hands full with all the kids she keeps.
hoping tonight's SNL is funny.
that's really all.
i have a terrible headache and i'm just attributing it to sinuses and allergies. the last thing i want is to get sick too. i have no pto, so every day i missed would be less money in our bank and that's something we cannot afford. heck, yesterday with lo was unpaid. i have like 2 hours, but i don't know if i'll be able to use it, we'll see on monday.
mom's gonna come watch lo on monday. she should be fine by then, but mom'll be here just to make sure she gets all the rest and love she needs since i know linda has her hands full with all the kids she keeps.
hoping tonight's SNL is funny.
that's really all.
hand, foot, and what?!
so, lo's got hand foot and mouth disease. doc says it's a virus that is very common and it causes fevers, lesions at the back of the throat and coughing, and then a rash. said that she should be almost 100% by monday. i sure hope so. i hate seeing her feel so bad. poor thing tries to play, but she's feel so bad it doesn't last long. she's napping now. i fully expect her to pretty much sleep thru the day.
oh goodness.
tough love couples is on. thank you lord for this ridiculous show! steve ward is a hottie too.
oh goodness.
tough love couples is on. thank you lord for this ridiculous show! steve ward is a hottie too.
Friday, April 16, 2010
random
lola's sick. i feel so bad for her. can't make it better. giving her tylenol and motrin to try and keep that fever down. i think it finally broke (the fever), so that's cool.
we've been having money problems. being overdrawn sucks. thankfully my dad and stepmom are sending a little bit to help us out. i hate having to borrow money, but if we didn't we wouldn't have even had enough gas to get to work next week.
sounds like nick's home.
we've been having money problems. being overdrawn sucks. thankfully my dad and stepmom are sending a little bit to help us out. i hate having to borrow money, but if we didn't we wouldn't have even had enough gas to get to work next week.
sounds like nick's home.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
some days suck
some days i wake up and wish that i hadn't.
some days i just wish that i could change everything.
some days i hurt deep down with this emptiness at my inability to make things ok.
no matter how hard i try, sometimes i just feel like i can't get ahead. and it's not like i want to get that far ahead - i just want to keep from drowning. i feel like it's all my fault.
some days i just wish that i could change everything.
some days i hurt deep down with this emptiness at my inability to make things ok.
no matter how hard i try, sometimes i just feel like i can't get ahead. and it's not like i want to get that far ahead - i just want to keep from drowning. i feel like it's all my fault.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
another day... another $.37
well, i'm still totally sick of being broke. that's nothing new.
lola's growing up so fast. she's babbling constantly - i know that any day now, a real word is going to come out of there. i get mama, baba, dada - but i mean more words b/c she's talking up a freaking storm. she's walking really well, still plops on her butt and crawls on occasion, but mostly walks. she's started to figure out running, which is really cute to see.
i realized the other day that nick and i will be together for 8 years in 2 months. CRAZY!! found an ex on facebook and actually considered thanking him for breaking up with me all those years ago b/c if he hadn't, i might not have met nick and been this happy. sure, we have our down times, everyone does - but i love him with all my heart and wouldn't trade being with him for all the world.
still trying to figure out this damn blogger layout mess. liz's is so cute and i can't figure it out. i'll get it, i just have to actually look - and right now i don't have the brain to do it. okee. guess that's all.
lola's growing up so fast. she's babbling constantly - i know that any day now, a real word is going to come out of there. i get mama, baba, dada - but i mean more words b/c she's talking up a freaking storm. she's walking really well, still plops on her butt and crawls on occasion, but mostly walks. she's started to figure out running, which is really cute to see.
i realized the other day that nick and i will be together for 8 years in 2 months. CRAZY!! found an ex on facebook and actually considered thanking him for breaking up with me all those years ago b/c if he hadn't, i might not have met nick and been this happy. sure, we have our down times, everyone does - but i love him with all my heart and wouldn't trade being with him for all the world.
still trying to figure out this damn blogger layout mess. liz's is so cute and i can't figure it out. i'll get it, i just have to actually look - and right now i don't have the brain to do it. okee. guess that's all.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Daily Word
This one is from yesterday, but I like it:
Insight
The perfect solution is clear and available now.
If something is bothering me, I know where to turn for insight. I close my eyes, and I go within. Taking a few cleansing breaths, I allow any sense of burden to melt away. I focus on the gentle rise and fall of my chest and abdomen as I inhale and exhale.
As I go deeper, I experience my oneness with God. Every cell in my body is filled with God's life force; every aspect of who I am is an expression of God's creation. Knowing that I am one with my source, I am at peace.
In prayer I open myself to the infinite options and divine possibilities I never knew existed. New insights and ideas fill my mind. I realize the perfect solution is clear and available to me now.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways.--Isaiah 55:9
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Daily Word 03/11/10
In the Flow
I am in the flow of divine abundance.
When walking the beach at low tide, I may find dry sand where an hour before the waves washed over my toes. Yet, there's no worry; the tide will return. Similarly, I need not worry about the temporary appearance of lack in my life, because I know there is abundant supply.
Worry does not change the tide nor can it change my circumstances. Matthew 6:26 reminds me to "Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns.... Are you not of more value than they?" I realize my worth and claim my good. I allow blessings to flow to me, and I freely draw from the limitless ocean of good. As I deepen my trust, I am in the flow of divine abundance.
If God so clothes the grass of the field ... will he not much more clothe you?--Matthew 6:30
Monday, March 8, 2010
Best. Song. Ever.
Written for Maynard’s mom, Judith.
10,000 days (Wings for Marie) – Tool
Listen to the tales and romanticize,
How we'd follow the path of the hero.
Boast about the day when the rivers overrun.
How we rise to the height of our halo.
Listen to the tales as we all rationalize
Our way into the arms of the savior,
Feigning all the trials and the tribulations;
None of us have actually been there.
Not like you.
Ignorant siblings in the congregation
Gather around spewing sympathy,
Spare me.
None of them can even hold a candle up to you.
Blinded by choice, these hypocrites won't see.
But, enough about the collective Judas.
Who could deny you were the one who
Illuminated your little piece of the divine?
And this little light of mine, a gift you passed on to me;
I'm gonna let it shine to guide you safely on your way,
Your way home ...
Oh, what are they going to do when the lights go down
Without you to guide them all to Zion?
What are they going to do when the rivers overrun
Other than tremble incessantly?
High is the way, but all eyes are upon the ground.
You were the light and the way they'll only read about.
I only pray, Heaven knows when to lift you out.
Ten thousand days in the fire is long enough;
You're going home.
You're the only one who can hold your head up high,
Shake your fists at the gates saying:
"I've come home now!
Fetch me the spirit, the son, and the father.
Tell them their pillar of faith has ascended.
It's time now!
My time now!
Give me my, give me my wings!"
You are the light and way that they will only read about.
Set as I am in my ways and my arrogance,
(With the) burden of proof tossed upon the believers.
You were my witness, my eyes, my evidence,
Judith Marie, unconditional one.
Daylight dims leaving cold fluorescents.
Difficult to see you in this light.
Please forgive this bold suggestion,
Should you see your Maker's face tonight,
Look Him in the eye, look Him in the eye, and tell Him:
"I never lived a lie, never took a life, but surely saved one.
Hallelujah, it's time for you to bring me home."
Monday, March 1, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Some days...
Wow – some days just get you! I’ve spent all day correcting someone else’s mistakes. F’ing retarded.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
first words
well… lo said her first words. i wasn’t there to hear it personally, but i did get to hear it over the phone. “shut up,” that’s what she said. where the hell did that come from? nick and i don’t say shut up. i know she’ll hear and say a lot worse than that soon enough – but for right now, “shut up” is almost the equivalent of “suck my ass” – she just shouldn’t be saying it, it’s not nice. “shut up” implies that what someone is saying is unimportant and that’s never true. yes, i realize she’s 10 ½ months old, she has no idea what imply even means let alone knows that words she speaks can imply anything – i know all this… and yet i don’t care. i don’t want her saying that. i hope it was a fluke and that she won’t say it again. i’m going to pretend that was not her first words and hope for a nicer phrase next time.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
new blog stuff
well, so my bff, liz, posted on fb that she had a blog on here - so i have to be all swf-ish and follow suit :)
lola's passed out on the couch, nick's working in the garage, i'm enjoying "me time". don't get too much of it lately. guess that's what happens when you stop being "me" and become "mommy".
been thinking lately of writing letters to lola in a journal or something so that later on, when she's grown, she can read them (if she wants) and see how much i love her and stuff - totally decided it today when i saw this really really pretty blank journal on amazon.com - it's called namaste print or something, but it's a really pretty paisley (oh yea) indian print in red, green, and gold. it's awesome. i need it. want it. gotta have it.
also think i need to find religion. ever since i had lola, i just feel like i need to have something spiritual to give to her - but i just can't lose myself in something like that, or i should say, i haven't found something that calls to me with such intensity that i allow myself to get lost in it. some people can lose themselves in christianity and that's awesome for them - some to hinduism - some to islam - and on and on, but i just haven't found that one. i know what i believe and i'm good with that. so... how to raise a child with a solid spiritual base with a set of such spiritually apathetic parents? aye, there's the rub. i'm sure we'll do ok. plenty of other parents did it. heck, i stopped going to church when my parents divorced (age 5), so i barely remember church, but i have some beliefs.
anyways.... baby's waking up. shit.
lola's passed out on the couch, nick's working in the garage, i'm enjoying "me time". don't get too much of it lately. guess that's what happens when you stop being "me" and become "mommy".
been thinking lately of writing letters to lola in a journal or something so that later on, when she's grown, she can read them (if she wants) and see how much i love her and stuff - totally decided it today when i saw this really really pretty blank journal on amazon.com - it's called namaste print or something, but it's a really pretty paisley (oh yea) indian print in red, green, and gold. it's awesome. i need it. want it. gotta have it.
also think i need to find religion. ever since i had lola, i just feel like i need to have something spiritual to give to her - but i just can't lose myself in something like that, or i should say, i haven't found something that calls to me with such intensity that i allow myself to get lost in it. some people can lose themselves in christianity and that's awesome for them - some to hinduism - some to islam - and on and on, but i just haven't found that one. i know what i believe and i'm good with that. so... how to raise a child with a solid spiritual base with a set of such spiritually apathetic parents? aye, there's the rub. i'm sure we'll do ok. plenty of other parents did it. heck, i stopped going to church when my parents divorced (age 5), so i barely remember church, but i have some beliefs.
anyways.... baby's waking up. shit.
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