not interesting

well, it's yet another not interesting day in my life. the car's messed up. if we had more money, nick could probably fix it, but as it stands, we're broke and have to wait a couple weeks just to save up $50 - and hopefully that $50 will fix it - and if not, then save $100, and hopefully that $100 will fix it. i know he can fix it, we just have to afford it. gonna go to mom's sunday to borrow her car - thank goodness for that. i'll just have to get used to a bigger car b/c she's got a land yacht.

today is nick's birthday - thank you lord for my honey poo. i love him so much!

there's buzz around the office of possible changes to come. i'm not gonna say what just yet - but i'm hoping for positive changes that maybe will point me in the direction of a promotion at some point in the near future.

i'm sick. it sucks. lola's still sick too. not with the virus she had, but a cold that's keeping her up at night and making her cough - and that's the happy ick that i've got now. it hurts SO bad to swallow and i feel SUPER bad. sucks.
oh well

it'll get better...

i know that the new way we're doing bills and money is a better way. it keeps us from being overdrawn - but it's hard to adjust to. it used to be that if we needed something, we'd just go get it, while "borrowing" from another bill that i was holding the money for - but now, i move the money out of our main account, so while i may still be "holding" money for a certain bill, it's not in the bank account we use - it's not so easy to get to. and since we pull out the cash for anything we need that isn't a bill - we only have XX dollars left each week for gas, groceries, etc. it's going to get better - but right now it really sucks. we have $20 for gas for me (nick already has gas) and groceries until friday.

now, don't get me wrong, we have food - but we need more milk, we need more butter, i scrounged up some loose change and got a loaf of bread at lunch, and we're running low on dog food. so it'll be better next week, and the week after, and i will, hopefully, not have that sickness in the pit of my stomach feeling anymore everytime i look at the bank account - but adjusting sucks.

keeping my fingers crossed that this works and that it does get better.

now if only nick and i could get raises.

btw - working for a company that doesn't give raises every year is really shitty. i just wanted to say that.

how i met my husband

i wanna play too!!
saw this on my buddy liz's blog, thought i'd play "single white female" and copy her :)

how i met my husband.

i met him twice.
when i first met nick, i was 20. it was 1998. i was dating a guy named david. david, his roommates, our buddies evan and robin, and i decided to go down to graceland too (yes, that's the correct spelling). evan and robin also invited their friends nick and laura. they were a couple. nick looked like he hated me and everyone around him. angry young man. we went to graceland too, never spoke, barely looked at each other. that was it.

fast forward to 2002. i had just gotten out of a long relationship, and was sad and stuff. i mostly sat at home and moped. after a couple months of being depressed and pathetic, my buddies evan and robin invited me over to evan's sister's house to watch the mike tyson/lennox lewis boxing match on ppv and get out of the house. i was hanging out in the back room smoking a cigarette (b/c i smoked then) when this hot guy with long dark brown hair walked in.
i thought he was super hot and wanted to touch his hiney - but i didn't know him. he sat down next to me to "hang out" and i decided that i had to flirt as hard as i could. so i rested my leg on his for no reason at all (MAN i had balls) and HE LET ME.
after the fight he brought out his cd collection and played some music, which i thought rocked, so we talked about it and he just got hotter and hotter by the second (he later told me, he brought out the music b/c he wanted to impress me - he did). we exchanged yahoo screen names and started chatting that night. a couple days later we went on our first date - to graceland too (HA!!!) - and we were both too nervous to kiss so instead of kissing at the end of the date, we shook hands. and i cursed myself all the way home b/c i just KNEW i'd blown it. apparently i hadn't b/c we went out again the next night and we did kiss that time - and about 2 weeks later we moved in together.
it's been almost 8 years.
i love him with all my heart.
he's the smartest person i know.
he knows how to make me laugh. he knows how to make me feel better if i'm sad.
i look forward to growing old with him.

3...2...1... CRASHED!

i should have listened to nick. well, it's not that i didn't listen to him, i just didn't prioritize his request as i should have. he kept telling me, "we need to get another hard drive. we need an external hard drive. we need another hard drive." and i kept saying we'd get one, b/c i knew he was right, and then i'd let things like bills and groceries, and dinner and movies, get in the way - and now, our hard drive has crashed and all the videos of lola during her first year are gone.
drew came up with the idea of freezing the drive to see if we could get a few minutes worth of it working to get data off it. so we'll probably try that. if that doesn't work, then maybe next year at tax time we'll send it off to one of those data recovery services so they can recover it - but that's like $300 - and with a baby, you have better things to spend $300 on than data recovery on a friggin' hard drive. i keep telling myself that our parents didn't have video of us at that age - and that helps some, but doesn't make it better.
i want to be a stay at home mom. i want to walk out of here and never look back and stay home with my poo girl (she's better btw. still runny poo, but NO fever at all, and playing and eating, so she's cool). i daydream about getting fired so i can draw unemployment and stay home with lola. that wouldn't work tho b/c we couldn't pay bills if i only brought home unemployment (b/c that's NOTHING).
speaking of work. back at it.

i'm ready eady eady eady i'm ready!

i'm ready for lola to not be sick. i know it's only been a couple days, but it can stop ANYtime now. i'm thankful that when she does get sick, it's nothing severe b/c i think i'd lose it. heck, when her fever hit 104 today, i freaked. when it went back down to 99, i cried with relief. i feel completely inept since i can't just hug her and make it better. i just want to be a good mom and keep her safe, but you can't protect against viruses unless you put 'em in a bubble - and that's not good parenting.
i have a terrible headache and i'm just attributing it to sinuses and allergies. the last thing i want is to get sick too. i have no pto, so every day i missed would be less money in our bank and that's something we cannot afford. heck, yesterday with lo was unpaid. i have like 2 hours, but i don't know if i'll be able to use it, we'll see on monday.
mom's gonna come watch lo on monday. she should be fine by then, but mom'll be here just to make sure she gets all the rest and love she needs since i know linda has her hands full with all the kids she keeps.
hoping tonight's SNL is funny.
that's really all.

hand, foot, and what?!

so, lo's got hand foot and mouth disease. doc says it's a virus that is very common and it causes fevers, lesions at the back of the throat and coughing, and then a rash. said that she should be almost 100% by monday. i sure hope so. i hate seeing her feel so bad. poor thing tries to play, but she's feel so bad it doesn't last long. she's napping now. i fully expect her to pretty much sleep thru the day.
oh goodness.
tough love couples is on. thank you lord for this ridiculous show! steve ward is a hottie too.

random

lola's sick. i feel so bad for her. can't make it better. giving her tylenol and motrin to try and keep that fever down. i think it finally broke (the fever), so that's cool.
we've been having money problems. being overdrawn sucks. thankfully my dad and stepmom are sending a little bit to help us out. i hate having to borrow money, but if we didn't we wouldn't have even had enough gas to get to work next week.
sounds like nick's home.

some days suck

some days i wake up and wish that i hadn't.
some days i just wish that i could change everything.
some days i hurt deep down with this emptiness at my inability to make things ok.
no matter how hard i try, sometimes i just feel like i can't get ahead. and it's not like i want to get that far ahead - i just want to keep from drowning. i feel like it's all my fault.

another day... another $.37

well, i'm still totally sick of being broke. that's nothing new.
lola's growing up so fast. she's babbling constantly - i know that any day now, a real word is going to come out of there. i get mama, baba, dada - but i mean more words b/c she's talking up a freaking storm. she's walking really well, still plops on her butt and crawls on occasion, but mostly walks. she's started to figure out running, which is really cute to see.
i realized the other day that nick and i will be together for 8 years in 2 months. CRAZY!! found an ex on facebook and actually considered thanking him for breaking up with me all those years ago b/c if he hadn't, i might not have met nick and been this happy. sure, we have our down times, everyone does - but i love him with all my heart and wouldn't trade being with him for all the world.
still trying to figure out this damn blogger layout mess. liz's is so cute and i can't figure it out. i'll get it, i just have to actually look - and right now i don't have the brain to do it. okee. guess that's all.