I’ve been trying to lose weight, again. Doing well so far tho. Started back on Weight Watchers on January 1 (total coincidence, not a New Year’s resolution) and have lost 28.6 pounds so far. Very proud of myself. I know, tho, that my body will never look how I want it to, no matter how much weight I lose. The amount that I gained while pregnant just took way too much of a toll on my skin, and my stomach. Of course, I can say that it wasn’t my fault I gained like I did. I didn’t do anything wrong, I just retained so much water that it equaled 65 pounds of water. But it still did a lot of damage. Maybe one day I can have a tummy tuck, maybe not. We’ll see what I look like when I’ve lost down to my goal. I bought a pair of pants around Christmas from oldnavy.com, and they were too small. I put ‘em on about a week ago and they literally fall off me. It’s cool, but I at least wanted them to fit for a while, LOL.
Life has been stressing me out. We had savings for a while, so if we needed something (groceries, tires, whatever), we could borrow from savings and it was ok – but the savings is gone now, and things are a lot harder on us, financially. We have $30 until payday this week, and we have to pray that’s enough for gas for us to get to/from work. Nick’s truck lost a wheel bearing, so he can’t drive it, so we had to borrow mom’s car, but she needs it back by Thursday morning, so he has to try to get his car or truck fixed by Wednesday night without having any money to use to fix it and we have to make sure there’s enough gas in mom’s car when we take it back to her so that she can get to the doctor Thursday. It just seems like it’s one thing after another, and there’s always the promise of something better happening and that promise gets turned into shit. It’s just getting me down. So I got on an antidepressant, Wellbutrin, and I’m allergic to it, so I’m covered in hives. Haven’t taken the pill in over a week, but I’m still Hivezilla. Really sucks.
I still miss Lulu. I still see her and dream about her. I miss her little face and her little snuffle noises and her happy feet. Maya’s getting old and it’s getting harder for her to get up from a sitting or lying down position. I know we probably don’t have much longer with her. I know I’ll have to go thru that again with her when it’s her time, but I just can’t think about it right now. It was so hard with Lulu. I cried so hard and couldn’t stop apologizing to her little lifeless body. It wasn’t her fault she was sick, it wasn’t. It wasn’t my fault either, but I still feel like I failed as a dog owner for letting it get to the point where she needed to be put down. I wish I could take it back, but I know that even if I could, she’d still be in the same miserable situation she was in before she died.
Not much else right now. Hoping for good news, expecting not much. Like mom says, “dream big, expect little.”
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