it's weird when you know someone that dies that's close to your age. i knew him, not that well, but every time i met him, and every time he came over he was always nice, and funny, and just seemed to me to be an all around good guy.
nick was actually friends with him, and one of nick's friends was best friends with him.
to think that you know someone that you'll never again talk to or see. to know that this someone was only 5-6 years older than you.
to look at my life and say, i have a husband, a daughter, friends and family that love me - and so did he (not the husband or daughter, but you know what i mean), and it could all just go away at any moment. he was someone's little boy, he was someone's best friend, he was someone's something - and now he's gone. in an instant, just gone.
and to think that he was so young, and we don't know why. from what little i knew of him, i do not think suicide is the answer. he seemed too put together, and not depressed or anything. i realize people can hide things like that very well, but that's just not what i think. the police and the coroner will figure it out. i'm hoping that no matter what, that it was peaceful. that he went to sleep and just didn't wake up. no pain, just peace.
i know that it's not real comfort to people that knew him - but i know that his energy is now out there, floating around. he's still a part of us all, he's still buzzing around the people he knew, the people he loved, the people that loved him. he's still giving them his love and energy to help their lives grow. he's still there. i know that for the people that loved him and knew him, they want him there with them physically. they want to hear his voice and feel his embrace or handshake. and that will never come back and that's sad. but he's still there.
it's just crazy to think that he's just gone, and it's sad to think of the devastation left by the life of one person being taken. one person that people loved. but he's still there.

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.